i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
