I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
