Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
