i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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