I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
