I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
