that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
