i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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