My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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