It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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