Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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