i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Pooping to opera.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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