You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
