I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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