this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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