Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My liver just had a heart attack.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
