i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
