I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
