i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
