Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
