im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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