so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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