Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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