I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
