Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
