Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
