Where is the hickey?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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