My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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