Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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