My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My ATM looks so different sober.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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