yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
