Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
that is very illegal...i love you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
