i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
