Duck Duck Cougar?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
