I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
