Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
