How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
