shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
