I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
