I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
