It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
