i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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