I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think my moral compass just broke
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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