i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
