I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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