When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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