After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
