Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
