So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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