...so i touched it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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