i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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