so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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